This summer, June 28th marks exactly eight years to the day since my release from HMP Moorlands in Doncaster.
I had lost myself to addiction, unresolved trauma, instability, and a youth peppered with instances of physical and sexual abuse. This led me to what might be described as a predictable outcome.
I had never been to therapy and lacked the self-esteem and self-awareness to see that I was slowly killing myself.
I ended up homeless and committing more serious crimes to fund whatever poison I had chosen to inject myself with that day.
I was charged with these crimes, which included a reckless arson I committed when mentally unwell, commercial burglaries, assaults, and knife crimes.
It all seems so far removed from where my life is now, and a huge part of this is due to my recovery was the Archer project and Printed by Us.
In fact, the same day I left prison I walked through the doors of this place and have never looked back. I am Irish and have some extended family scattered around the UK but no close support network where I live.
Well, this place became an extension of the family support I lacked. For someone who struggled with the shame of my crimes, I was completely taken aback when in my first interview with Terry, the director of Archer Project Enterprises, I was never once asked about my convictions. I told him naturally, but it was the first time that my conversation had not begun with, “So, what are you in for”.
I was homeless upon my release however within two weeks I was the proud tenant of a tiny one bed flat in Rotherham.
I initially began working for “Just Clean”, the commercial cleaning sister enterprise of Printed by Us. This made sense as I had completed my NVQ in cleaning whilst serving my time. The 4AM alarms did not bother me (too much) as I had developed some discipline inside. It was a gentle reintroduction to working and the wider world at large.
It wasn’t long before I joined Printed by Us, and I was completely enthralled by James and Hugo as I watched them print amazing artwork on garments and saw what they had created from start to finish.
I moved to Printed by Us permanently soon after this and fell in love with the role! Market stalls were my favourite, I was given the time to develop at my own pace and my confidence soared.
it grew even quicker as I developed my own creativity. I began to recite a poem I had written at the Archer Project carol service every year, with 2023 being the only one I did not perform at due to other educational commitments I had made at the time.
Again, Terry noticed an opportunity for my growth, and I attended a local creative writing group at his suggestion. My skills in public speaking and performance only grew from then and led to me being effortlessly confident in front of crowds. I loved telling my story woven into a sales pitch about an ethical, locally made product created by individuals with similar experiences to mine. Markets gave me such a boost; I loved having great sales figures and the addict within me craved the following dopamine rush. But it went further than that; it was the beginning of an ambition being fostered within me and I realised I can be good at something. I could learn!
It seemed like a whirlwind from then on, I wrote obsessively and was constantly daydreaming of performing poetry or simply thinking up new beats to draft poems to.
Poetry led to acting, acting led to blogging for South Yorkshire Police.
I was then spotted by a BBC producer and Andrew became a close friend and another advocate for me. He organised my travel to London several times to take part in podcasts with the theme of criminal justice. I sit on the advisory panel now to this day of the National Prison Radio.
Various talks for differing events ensued from Sheffield forum to Creative mornings, just to name but a few. This was followed by my being featured on a forty-five-minute BBC 4 radio documentary titled Behind the Crime. This show much to my surprise and delight not only got pick of the week on Radio Times but was nominated for an Orwell Award.
Daniella, a former manager at Printed by Us, who is a great friend and another cheerleader of mine, then gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. I had told my story a lot, and it was not just that I had grown weary of it because I certainly had. I had a lot more to offer the world than my trauma and biggest losses. My story was told but imagine being able to tell others and try to become an agent for change. Daniella organised a meeting for me with Matthew Bacon, the head of Law at the University of Sheffield, and I began to feature as a guest lecturer. I developed a talk that encompassed my poetry, lived experiences and the bigger issues surrounding criminal justice and adverse childhood experiences. I am now confident speaking to crowds to the extent that it just feels like another day's work to speak to hundreds of people in an audience.
Two years ago it was announced that John Lewis had made some funding available to begin a peer mentoring programme within the project.
I was approached and asked if I would be interested in the role, and I jumped at the chance. I have been in therapy for years dealing with issues from my past. One thing became clear, what happened to me. The fear, the loss, the grief and sadness, the rage.
It one day just made sense, I learned to accept all that had happened, I became calmer and happier but most importantly, I was glad I had lived my life. Horrors and all, I can be a grumpy so and so, aren’t we all sometimes. However, I like the person that walked out the gates of prison more than I ever did the one who walked in them. I have integrity now; I try not to judge, and I have empathy, sometimes too much!
I feel deeply for those at the bottom because I know how lonely it was when I was there, and how I felt about those who tried to help me back up. I could try and help others back up, I could just listen.
I accepted the opportunity with both hands, there was just one thing, I had to go to college. Northern college at Barnsley was a place of incredible growth for me.
I had intended to just do my level one in mentoring, get the qualification, and get on with my life. My writing skills put me in good standing, as did my lived experiences and knowledge of trauma from my speaking. I completed the course easily and immediately applied for the Level Two in Counselling. When I got feedback from my tutor, another individual who saw things in me I had not, I got the bug. I’m currently sitting my Level Three Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling. Lost in the worlds of Freud, Watson, Skinner, Rodgers, Adler, and some of the other great psychologists of our time, I began to understand trauma and the mind better, but I got to know myself most of all, and the last vestiges of the shadows of my past slowly faded away.
I am so incredibly grateful and lucky. I had someone to catch me when I was released homeless from prison. The alternative? It does not bear thinking about.
According to the officefornationalstatistics.gov.uk Reoffending rates in the UK are a shocking 40-60 %, within just two years of release. Some of the main reasons for these high numbers according to the charity unlock.org.uk include lack of stable employment, inadequate housing, poor social support networks, stigmatisation, and mental health challenges.
These needs were provided for me at Printed by Us and the Archer Project.
I contribute to society now, I am a part of the tribe again and do not wish it harm, I want to protect it. However, that only happened because I was accepted, and managed to turn my back on drugs and crime. This was because I joined an organisation that not only wanted an Employee, but that pushed me gently but relentlessly into becoming the best version of myself.
I count my blessings and thank God every day for the boring struggle that my life is, now just like everyone else's.
I remember praying in my cell one night eight years ago during a thunderstorm, I asked God for just that - a boring uneventful life. Well, God has a sense of humour because my life is not boring and uneventful. As ever, I was given exactly what I needed and not what I wanted. And for once I am thrilled about it.
Chris.
References
Unlock.org.uk
Office for national statistics.gov.uk
